New tablecloth & more Easter decor

I had to set up a card table for Amy's birthday party the other night. I wanted a tablecloth and I couldn't decide between fabric to match my dining room tablecloth or a complementing toile I found at work. My Mom suggested a reversible one, so that's what she made me. This is her first tablecloth. Then I did a little Easter arrangement in the middle.

Another [long] craft post

Hope you aren't getting bored of these. My sister did tell me that I hadn't been very funny lately. (Thud. Butt, meet reality.) But don't you want to see what I was doing the night I fell?

front door (I want to paint the inside and outside of my front door Begonia by Benjamin Moore so bad, but I'm pretty sure that isn't allowed.)



inside front door



living room details below







the dining room table (and an in-progress shot to show you that, at one time, that plant was alive)





dining room buffet





kitchen details, below: bunny towel on oven handle; middle: tea towel and egg by the stove; bottom: Easter soap by the sink

Please indulge me for a minute

Easter decoration shots (as promised) first from my parents' house.
the kitchen table (sorry it's blurry)



detail of place setting



on the bar in front of the sink



on the buffet in the foyer



detail of buffet



My very favorite thing that I did there was the coffee table, and I guess I didn't take a picture of it! I can't imagine what I was thinking. The table is square, and I put down a grassy rug and used Easter egg branches, bunnies, and eggs. I'll have to wait on my Mom to send a picture of that masterpiece.

Milk's favorite cookie

I'm sure that after I make this confession there will be audible gasps.

I really only like to eat half of an Oreo.

But wait! Redemption! It's the half with the filling!

I've tried them dunked in milk, of course, and they are tasty. But after a few cookies fell apart in the package and I ate the halves separately, I discovered that one-half cookie + cream filling = just the right ratio for me.

And sometimes—hold onto your seats—I intentionally break my Oreos apart, eat the side I like, and throw away the plain cookie half.

That's right. I waste Oreos. God's special gift to me, and I just throw 50% of the package away.

And, just so you don't think I'm totally nuts I'll tell you that I always eat them with a tall glass of milk.

See? I'm not totally weird. Although sometimes (okay, often) I pour the milk into a Champagne glass.

So. Yeah. I'm totally weird.

How do you take your Oreos?

Tip

Flowers don't last long in a bathroom where the occupant takes 25-minute, steaming hot showers daily.

(Yes, I know I need to refold my towels.)

Craft Room coming together

The bed is almost done, thanks to the awesome monogram my sister put on this pillow. Mom bought me pillow inserts for the pink polka-dot shams this past weekend. I ordered a down comforter (with a PB Teen credit, score!) for the duvet. Just need to raise the bed skirt up off the floor; it slides but my friend Amy suggested using an egg crate on top of the link springs. The foam will hold the bed skirt in place. And I'll probably add another mattress to the bed because I like them high.

I am so domestic. And so girly. Oh well. Cheers!

And they call this fun

Look what my "friends" roped me into today. Actually, it didn't take too much persuasion, although my hands immediately started sweating. (Okay, y'all know about me and the hand-sweating, yeah?) Anyway, believe it or not, this is for work (I won't give anything else away), and I'm pretty excited about the zip line. My dad has actually done this, at this exact place, and he seemed pretty confident in the safety (and fun!) of it all. I'm mainly terrified of those bridges. I'm probably going to wear a Depends. TMI? Ahh, cram it. YOU aren't doing it.

Am I missing it?

What's all the commotion about? (For some reason, every time I use the word "commotion"—which is more than you might think—I also sing "Come on, baby, do the locomotion" in my head. I dunno.) Really, really are we still talking about Kelly Clarkson's weight? And what's the big-freakin'-deal? She doesn't look fat to me. Not. at. all. Sure, stick her next to Paris Hilton and there's gonna be a little contrast. But fat? I don't think so.

Bring Trader Joe's to B'ham/Woodlawn/Crestwood/Anywhere. Please.

If you're on Facebook (and of course, you know I think you all should be), then click here to join this group. Please, please, please. Trader Joe's is awesome. Brooke said so, and I trust her. Then she took me, and now I know it's true. If we could get this accomplished and rope in Crate & Barrel and Houston's then The Ham really would have it all. (Because, you know, Nordstrom is coming!!!! I'm more than a little excited, even thought it's three frickin' years away. I wouldn't mind a Neiman Marcus, but hey, I won't press my luck.)

Look! Someone wrote a song for me.

Isn't that so sweet? I mean, really, very thoughtful.



Thanks to Amy for sending this my way.

March [Birthday] Madness

Amy's turn! I waited till late so I could post a link to the Facebook photo album here. Happy Birthday, Amy!

I found a way to make extra cash

Got this email offer from my friend Jam the other day. I should totally do it, right? I mean, it's so me.

Jam's Crunk Fitness
Instructor Certification Workshop
THIS WEEKEND BECOME A
Jam's Crunk Fitness
INSTRUCTOR
Get paid for doing something you LOVE...
on your own schedule



Okay, we're not friends. I went to one hip-hop dance class that she sponsored (failed miserably) and wound up on her email list. But make no mistake. I can straight up get crunked (crunk?). Whatever. I can. And who doesn't want to be highly popular with Crunk 'n' Sexy Six-Pack Abs, hmm?

Flashback Saturday

Anybody remember this? I'm about to die, I'm laughing so hard.

Happy Birthday, Julia!

We miss you tons and tons! xoxo

P.S. I have something to send you, but I didn't think you could fully appreciate it if I wasn't late. It's my trademark.

Mushy Post Alert

I'm going to need this song performed at my wedding. Bonus points (for me) if I'm actually marrying Joshua Radin. I've been doodling our names together in my diary.

Ha ha. No I haven't. I don't have a diary.

I met Joshua Radin (I like to use his full name) a few weeks ago at his concert at WorkPlay. He totally hung out after his show, taking pictures, signing CDs, and chatting. He hugged me when we met. Okay, well he hugged all the girls, but my hug was extra tight. Then he winked at me when he signed my CD. Or maybe he had a twitch. I nearly fainted. I mean, a super cute guy who sings? Swoon. Oh yeah, he's funny too.

Why cleaning is dangerous…and I'm probably dying

I fell down again tonight, folks. Yeah, yeah. It happens a lot. This time I was trying to vacuum, and because I now have two fat kneecaps, a broken left wrist, and a bruised shoulder I don't think I should attempt this chore again. You know, for my own safety.

I look super hot tonight, as I've been unloading all kinds of crap from my car: faded yoga pants (not sweats, A.!), a black t-shirt, flip flops, and dust. Dust is my accessory tonight. Anyway, after I plugged in the vacuum cleaner I turned around, caught the cord in my flip flop (somehow, don't ask), and there I went. Slow motion. Pitched forward and just fell flat on my face, arms stretched out. For a brief second I stabilized myself on the nearby chair. Too bad it was the rolling chair at my desk. I pulled an armpit muscle. Add that to the list above.

I guess it's all my fault, really. I was cleaning up Spanish moss from all over the table where I'd been setting up my Easter/Spring decorations. [Note to self for next year: Spanish moss makes a bloody big mess. Always line containers with plastic.] You'd think I'm an amateur. I shouldn't have been doing this tonight because I have approximately one million things to do before I leave town tomorrow. But that's how I roll. When I'm a little overwhelmed I procrastinate. Instead of knocking out my to-do list, I start new (and messy) craft projects.

Okay, moving on. I've been losing my balance and/or falling a lot lately. Some might say this is genetic (hello, Dad), but after a little scientific research via Web MD, I think I could be dying. Here's what I've narrowed it down to: Vertigo. That's right. Laugh, go ahead. Know what causes vertigo? (I ruled out the silly causes, such as headaches or an ear infection.)

Inner ear disorders, such as benign paroxysmal positional vertigo (BPPV), Ménière's disease, vestibular neuritis, or labyrinthitis.

Decreased blood flow through the arteries that supply blood to the base of the brain (vertebrobasilar insufficiency).

Brain tumors and cancer that has traveled from another part of the body (metastatic).

See? You feel bad now, don't you?

Hair pics

This is mostly for Julia. I feel a little silly posting so many pictures of myself. Although, I suppose if I felt that silly I could've just emailed them directly to her. And I'm not gonna lie. I enjoy the Photo Booth.

what I usually look like


pulled back on both sides


twisted back and pinned up, in black and white because that seemed more appropriate



P.S. I listened to "You're So Vain" during the above photo shoot.
Okay. That's a flat-out lie. I listened to "Heard It In A Love Song" by my fave: The Marshall Tucker Band.

March 4, nineteen-fifty-who's counting?

Happy Birthday, Dude!




Love,
Bone

Dear People Magazine

This is not a Celebrity Fun Fact. Okay, it's a celebrity fact, but it certainly isn't fun. It's just gross. And I could have gone my entire life without knowing this.

Celebrity Fun Fact

Megan Fox

While filming Transformers, she lost two toenails from running in boots.

I'd like to be reimbursed for the Asian-style Pot Stickers Lean Cuisine I lost after reading this.

Sincerely,

Your Loyal Reader, Stephanie

I need to show you something

My hair is darker than it's been in, I dunno, several years. You probably can't tell but I totally can. That's why I'm pointing it out here. Plus, in order to take this picture, I could justify a few more minutes on Photo Booth. My inspiration was the March Allure cover with Julia Roberts. I'm liking it, may even go a little darker next go-round. My hairdresser, Tavia, didn't go quite that honey-and-caramel this time because she didn't want me "to run out crying."



In the long run I figure this will be more economical. I mean, get real. I'm not going to stop getting my hair colored, but when it's darker I can go a little longer in between touch-ups. And now that my hair is longer, I don't need maintenance cuts as often. Who says I'm not fiscally responsible? Psshh.

Next up: How do I get her lips?

Watch This!

Click here to see my awesome friend-since-teenagehood Amanda. We're both products of the C-town, which makes us immensely cool. Anyway, she's done a series of videos for myrecipes.com, one of our sites. She's so super fab. What's that? You need a fantastic employee? Call her!! (You might remember some of Amanda's signature hilarity from this post.)

Wow. I do believe that's a record for most links in one post!

There is no greater disaster than greed

And that's what's happened to more than a few of the families featured on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. It sickens me. There is no excuse, no none, for this. Most of these families received these homes because they were already in financial ruin. I wish there was some way to stop these people from using these homes as loan collateral. I'm not even going to climb on my soapbox. You'd be reading for hours. Grrr.

On a quote kick

Isn't this one perfect for me? I'm totally fancy. In public. I'm a total wreck at home. Ha.

It's because I live by this quote from Coco Chanel: "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."

I think saying someone is "different" is Southern-polite-speak for "weird." But I'm okay with it.

I like the way this woman thinks…

When you are unhappy, is there anything more maddening than to be told that you should be contented with your lot?
—Kathleen Norris

I do not know Kathleen, but I think she's right. Truly, nothing more maddening. Yes? Also, I like the word "maddening." I'm going to try and use it more often.

Feeling generous. Must be the snow.

Here's a public link to my Facebook photo album of the snow. I don't have time to load it up there and on Slide.com too. I have to run to the mall to get a bathing suit for next weekend. Life in Alabama=never dull!

The Day After

Through rain, wind, sleep, and snow: the curls remain. Curls created with a flatiron, I might add.

Art Bash Rocked!

The theme: Pistons & Pin-Ups. It was held at Old Car Heaven in a [super-sketchy] part of Birmingham. I totally got my hair did. And drew myself a mole. Sneak peak below; album posted on Facebook. What? You aren't on Facebook? Oh well. Too bad.

Offensive Office Supplies

As several (hundred) of my friends on Facebook have just learned, I have an aversion to colored paper clips. Sometimes a story finds its way to my desk, papers attached together with a pink or red or—God forbid!—patterned paper clip. It irks me. The first thing I do is rip it off and toss it. Throw it away. Blech.

I don't know what the problem is. One look at me, my office decor, or my condo, and you'd think the aversion would be to regular paper clips. The dull silver kind. But I love them. Prefer them. I think my OCD trumps my love of color. I like all the stories to be uniform. No black-sheep paper clips. Or maybe it's because the colored ones are coated in some kind of enamel, making them thicker, and they upset the balance of my paper stacks. I don't know. But I hate them. I don't like the scraping noise/feel that occurs when I pull off a colored paper clip either.

Recently my smart[aleck] friend and coworker Amy learned about my irritation with said office supply and placed a lineup in my chair, complete with four(!) colored paper clips. Wretched. But she did suggest that I save them in a jar on my desk. So that's what I'm doing now, rather than throwing them away. And when my jar is full, I'll happily donate them to…someone. Or something.

It feels lovely to get this off my chest.

Lovin' This Commercial

A whole, whole lot. Even though I am hopelessly devoted (cue Olivia Newton-John, please) to Verizon, forever and always, mmmwahh!

Dear Dawg Fans

Are we really surprised? I know I'm not. Once a loser, always a loser. Even if said loser can throw a football.

Are you friends with the Bennetts?

Choose a night to deliver dinner to the soon-to-be family of FIVE!

If you aren't friends with the Bennetts, well, then you should be! They're good people.

Call Me a Sucker

You know I'm going to have to try these.

I'm sorry, but if this works, it's genius. For serious. Except I'm happy to pass on the camouflage look. Oh, and the zebra. Okay, yeah, so I'd really just like to try a simple silver-gray and black eye. You know, something classy.

My pick is the Noche Eye Shadow Kit. And, sweet. Looks like I can pick up one at Sephora, my very favorite store in the whole world.

Google Search Hilarity

My friend Amanda (she of the Karma threats) posted a new note on Facebook. (Katie, "notes" are all the rage on FB right now.) Instructions: Google your "first name" and "needs" and post the first six that come up. They were just too funny—and true—not to post.

Stephanie needs some help.
*I swear to you, hand to God, this was the first one to come up. See? True.

Stephanie needs to be in a family where there are no other children or animals.
Stephanie needs a behavior modification approach to deal with some residual effects and strongwilledness, those not taken care of by the Ritalin.
Stephanie needs you BAD.
Stephanie needs to get the women together in an alliance.
Stephanie needs a strong manly shoulder to lean on.

Yes, I really NEED a dress…

But I probably don't NEED this one. So I'm just going to post a picture of it so we can all admire it. From afar. Because that's the cheapest way.



Two friends have *graciously* offered to help me justify such an extravagant purchase. Here's the thing: It's pricey for sure, but it's so cute AND versatile!

The reason I NEED a dress is for this event. See? That's legit.

But I could also wear this dress to:

1. spring/summer weddings UPDATE: A coworker's wedding is May 9. Score.
2. an April engagement I currently have
3. church on Easter
4. my May Derby party
5. the Miss Georgia party in March
6. the Miss Georgia pageant in June

That really comes out to about $30 per wear. Not bad, me thinks.

And who knows what could come up between now and, say, August or September. I might figure out 14 more uses for it by then!

Movie Previews=Love

I adore movie previews. I think I could sit through about an hour's worth. In fact, not too long ago I went with a few girlfriends to see Bride Wars, and the geniuses at Carmike started the movie super late, so they just skipped the previews. Totally, completely. Skipped. Them. I wanted a refund.

I am a total nerd when it comes to previews. (Okay, I'm really just a total nerd. But.) I take it very seriously. I don't like to forget about movies I want to see, so I make mental notes during preview time, and then I totally go home and make a list. With release dates. Not kidding. Sometimes I troll Fandango or Carmike for future movies and their releases too.

Anyway, I recently found Trailer Addict online, and I am now madly, deeply in love. (Am I a late-bloomer? Do you all know about this site?) I've just spent the last 32 minutes blissfully planning my next few movie dates.

A few on my list:

1. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (Matthew AND Jen? Come on.)
2. The Proposal (I kind of like Sandra Bullock. I kind of love Ryan Reynolds.)
3. Taken (I need a manly dude to volunteer for this one. I'm a screamer.)
4. Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (Can. Not. Wait.)

Amazing Race 14!

This video gets really funny about a minute and seven seconds in. I watched that part over and over again on Tivo, in slow motion too. The whole task is made even funnier by those dudes at the base of the hill, swinging back their beers while laughing hysterically.

Amazing Race, oh how I've missed you. I hope, hope, hope this season is going to be a good one. I'm a little concerned that there doesn't seem to be a standout volatile couple. But I do see drama queens aplenty. They generally just annoy me, though, without providing additional entertainment. We'll see.



PS: The entire time I was watching the cheese part of this episode, I was trying to imagine being on this show with my brother. He would be SO MAD at me, because no doubt I would've fallen down that hill and lost my cheese wheel.

Happy Valentine's Day!

May it be filled with love and chocolate!

I got a Valentine card from this guy. Isn't he the cutest?!

So Sad

This news is just heartbreaking. And for all of the safe transportation debates between cars versus planes, what are the odds that a husband and a wife will both die, separately, in plane crashes? I'm so sad for all of those who died and their families, but especially the family of this couple. Please keep everyone in your prayers.

So Sad.

My apologies if you own one…

But, for real, guys, can the jewelry stores GET any cheesier this time of year? Every. Single. Year. They push these heart-shaped pendants for Valentine's Day. And every woman in America (I'm pretty sure this is scientific) rolls her eyes and gags. I mean, really? Nothing new or different or unique? Ever?

And you know what, even if you are a fan of such baubles, certainly you don't need more than one or two at the most, yes? Anyway, it's super annoying. I don't see anyone pushing a 14-karat gold-and-ruby turkey pendant at Thanksgiving. No multijeweled Christmas tree charms in December.

Please, dudes. Be creative. Be original. Be a total loser and don't do anything. But whatever you do, please don't support the heart trend. It needs to die.

Shown above: Jane Seymour's new design for Kay Jewelers, where I used to work. It looks like a butt. And, p.s., a new take on the ole heart pendant does not a winner make.

Confidential to my Saturday night date: I'm going to get you chocolate. That's not really original, but it's delicious. Delicious trumps original.

Because I'm sick. And, apparently, crazy.

I have a virus. That's what I'm blaming for my odd behaviors recently. It has to be the meds. Otherwise, I'm not right in the head. Though that's entirely possible—and likely—as well. (My close friends know. I call it The Crazy. Affectionately.)

1. I put the cereal box in the fridge the other day. Well, not quite. But the door was open and I was sticking the box in before I realized what I was doing.

2. Tonight, I poured myself a bowl of cereal, put the box away in the cabinet, and then grabbed a fork from the drawer. A fork.

3. While working on this post, I subbed "door" for "drawer" and spelled "fork" as "frok." Twice.

4. I tried to make coffee. Without water.

That's What She Said

Katie said it first. And better. And I totally agree.

Free BBQ lunch…and then dessert

My friend Mary Elizabeth had coupons to eat at Jim-n-Nick's totally free, so three of us went last week. Free cheese biscuits, a brisket sandwich, side of mac and cheese, and sweet tea tastes even better when it doesn't cost a dime. And then, to look over and see this lovely lady waiting for a table? Well, now, that was just icing on the cake.



Isn't her hair awesome? She probably would've posed for a picture, but it was much funnier to let ME stealthily capture these photos on her camera. It was brilliant PI work. My friends know I can appreciate that. (See? That's my arm in the right edges of the photos.)

Blow up the pictures for a better look. I mean, dudes. This hairdo was some serious work.

Who Sent Me This?

Someone did, and I'd forgotten about it, and I watched it again tonight. HIL-arious. Judging from the accent, this video was not made in the South. The mom's pronunciation of "golf" is pretty funny ("gowalf"). This is why everyone should own a Wii. A Wii and a baby.

Kind of a Nobody

I was scrolling through the photo gallery of Grammy attendees yesterday, and the AJC's description of Paris Hilton totally cracked me up. I mean, there was "Singer and actress Miley Cyrus," "Atlanta rap star T.I.,"Rapper-mogul Jay-Z and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin," and even "Reality TV star Kim Kardashian."



And then. Then there was just Paris. Paris in her slip. "Famous person Paris Hilton." Because, really, that's all she is. And for no good reason either.

We need to talk.

About Flame. Burger King's new cologne.

Yeah, Burger King. Home of the Whopper and scented body spray.

I'm totally grossed out already but then, while reading a bit of smut on the US Weekly site, I see a disturbing commercial for Flame. With the Burger King King. In a bathtub! Shriek! Horrors!

I can't even post the video that I found on YouTube. I'm too mortified. I mean, it's set to bow-chicka-bow-wow music, people. Go see it for yourself here. I couldn't find the one with the King in the tub, but trust me, it's every bit as creepy as you might imagine. And then some.

And, seriously. Seriously. Did BK just start marketing a cologne as "Fire Meets Desire! It's seduction with a hint of flame broiled meat!"? Can you imagine that strategy meeting? If I'd been there, I would've thought someone was high. What's more, this idea was pitched and, presumably, climbed all the way to the top and no one spoke up to talk about how stupid and ridiculous a beef cologne might be.

Who wants to smell like a burger? Just. Ew.

Interesting AND Informative

I love celebrity photos such as this:



With captions such as this:
Jessica Biel went for a walk with her dog, Tina, in Los Angeles Wednesday.

Are you kidding me?

How can people NOT be ready for the digital TV conversion? Haven't we been hearing about this for, oh, at least two years? I could totally be in Congress.

WINNERS!

Congratulations to the giveaway winners!

Linda Bowlby—monogrammed checkbook cover
Robin Demaree—monogrammed pill box
Karen—monogrammed mirror

Please visit the Lauren Nicole Web site here, choose your font, color, and patterns for the item you won, and email me your preferences and mailing address so I can have the prizes sent to you! (sgmims@gmail.com)

PS: I am posting during work hours from home, at lunch.