Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Overheard at Macy's

Store associate: Thanks so much, Kimberly. Have a good night.

Customer: Girl! I'm not Kimberly! I'm Kimberly's maker!

Ahhh ha ha ha. Evidently this woman was making a purchase for her daughter with the daughter's debit card. I have never ever heard a mother refer to herself as such, but now I want a kid so I can walk around saying that I'm someone's maker. Awesome.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Free stuff

We might not get fruit of the day anymore, but don't let anyone tell you my job doesn't come with perks.

Ryan kindly snatched these for me from the freebie bin today. Woot. I can't wait to pair them with some cream open-toed shoes.

Monday, September 28, 2009


Photo: Dale Zanine, US PRESSWIRE

A pleasant exchange

And when I say "pleasant," I mean I'm 7 years old and it's Opposite Day.

This article
really annoyed me last week. I almost never ever post comments to these kinds of things, but I am So. Over. this portrayal of the South as a big trailer park full of Dukes of Hazzard characters who wear only overalls and denim cutoffs.

So I said this:
Nice work, Bob. Because painting everyone who lives in the South as a bunch of classless rednecks isn't overdone at all. Sorry, but you totally phoned in this one, and your lack of creativity is, quite frankly, nothing but eye roll-inducing. Sincerely, A Georgia journalism grad who 1. Has all of her teeth 2. Frequents a restroom for personal needs 3. Does not and never has lived in a mobile home 4. Works for the 6th largest regional lifestyle magazine in the country, and knows how to represent herself with class and polish.

I actually thought my comment was rather polite (albeit snarky, yes), and the two comments following (one from the author himself) merely proved my point. Just because you live outside of the South doesn't guarantee you have half the class I possess in my left pinky.

Because, seriously:
Stephanie, Glad to read that you have all of your teeth. Where do you keep them, on your desk there at the 6th largest regional lifestlye magazine?
(This is from Bob Young. Too bad. He needs a copy editor.)

And then, from a delightful reader:
Let me translate: A Georgia journalism grad (she can color in between the lines) who 1. Has all of her teeth (all three of them) 2. Frequents a restroom for personal needs (like eating, sleeping, and living) 3. Does not and never has lived in a mobile home (she took the tires off last year) 4. Works for the 6th largest regional lifestyle magazine in the country, and knows how to represent herself with class and polish ('GunRacks and Open Containers Weekly'. It's very popular out there)
I'll refer this moron here. Nicest bathroom I've ever crashed in.

Ahh, welcome to soggy Sanford Stadium, Bob and Delightful Reader.


Thanks for playing.

P.S. I wasn't trying to brag about where I work. I really just wanted him to know that such a publication existed in—gasp!—The South.

Note to new readers: See? I do have all my teeth, and I rarely scratch my armpits in public.


Talk about adding insult to injury.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Need your help

Which pillow arrangement do you prefer on my guest bed?

Option #1: Eyelash fabric pillow in front of floral lumbar pillow.

Option #2: Eyelash fabric pillow in front of Euro shams. (I'll need to get another pillow made but I have enough fabric leftover to do so.)

Option #3: Eyelash fabric pillow behind floral lumbar pillow.

Under construction

Getting a new look around here. I found this site last week and am just now getting around to changing a few things. Be patient! Y'all know how slow I am.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I've (not so patiently) waited over a year to post this

Don't worry, friends. It wasn't the diamond band.

Many thanks to my awesome friend and videographer Brooke.

Never, ever

Order for me. Ever. No way. Unless I am two seconds from wetting my pants and I yell over my shoulder as I run to the bathroom, "Hey, get me a sweet tea, k?" You may feel free to open doors for me and pop the tabs on my Dr. Pepper cans so I don't chip my Lincoln Park After Dark, but that'll do it. Ordering for me makes me feel like the third wife in some twisted Mormon polygamy hexagon. No thank you.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Public humiliation

I don't know. This wouldn't do it for me. Seems like more of a public cry for attention and pity than a true apology. And, also, if she hadn't cheated in the first place, she wouldn't be in this position. Yeah. No honk.

Monday, September 14, 2009

So proud to be an American

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, true accounts of human stupidity. This stuff was actually said in court which simultaneously makes me want to laugh and cry. (My granddad sent these to me today via e-mail.)

Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you sh*tting me?

Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.

Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.

Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

So uncalled for

I know you know. Everyone's talking about the Kanye-Taylor Swift incident. Too far this time, Kanye. Watch it here.

Another reason I love Georgia

Stuff like this happens there.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Welcome home!

Oh wow. Wow, wow, wow. My friend Emily sent this to me. She took the picture on Old Hwy. 64 in Western North Carolina. They even ripped off the font pretty well.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Laughing till my side hurts

Go here. Watch. You're welcome.

P.S. I have viewed this no fewer than 20 times tonight. No lie.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Let's do this!!!