So proud to be an American

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, true accounts of human stupidity. This stuff was actually said in court which simultaneously makes me want to laugh and cry. (My granddad sent these to me today via e-mail.)


Attorney: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

 
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's twenty, much like your IQ.

 
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you sh*tting me?


Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

 
Attorney: How was your first marriage terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by whose death was it terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.


Attorney: ALL your responses MUST be oral, okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Oral.

 
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that question?