Friday, September 26, 2008

Thank You, NBC

For giving us this great gift called The Office. Seriously. Could y'all BE any more excited that Jim and Pam are engaged? I was at a viewing party, and I think we all held our breaths in the few seconds it took her to say yes. I was so nervous. Sigh. I was getting worried about Pam and her new art school buddy. Sure that isn't the last we've seen of him. But, for now, ahhhh yeah.

I heart Jim, er, John Krasinski. Can someone please hook that up?

Bicycle Madness

What I'm about to address here is not PC.

And I do not care. I do not care that biking is Green. Do not care that it is good exercise. Do not care about the supposed gas shortage. Do not care that it cuts back on air pollution. Do. Not. Care. Okay? That's the sound of my SUV cranking that you hear.

I am tired of those Lance Armstrong wannabes who insist on biking on the roads. Busy roads, to be exact. Especially busy roads that have sidewalks.

On the way home yesterday, I got behind a car that was behind a biker. And we drove. slower. and. slower. Until I wanted to ram the Trailblazer into the Explorer into the biker. I wanted his blood. Because I was driving 30—then 20—then 10—TEN m.p.h.

And then. AND THEN. Then the old man behind me, in the Honda Odyssey, honked at me. HONKED. For God's sake, that doesn't help anyone, old man. And where is he rushing to anyway? He was too late for any early-bird buffet deals. And, I swear, this only made the biker slow down.

This dude was honk-happy, I could tell. He'd already beeped once at a green light when he was fifth in line. But, like, did he seriously think I was just driving that slow for fun? It was so totally obvious that we had a biker situation. And bikers do not care about you and I, dear readers. Oh no. They're all high and mighty, I'm-helping-my-body-AND-the-environment, tree-huggin', spandex-lovin' snobs on wheels.

So I did my part to help the situation too. I threw up my hands in disgust, ripped off my sunglasses, and yelled in the rearview mirror, "What do you want me to DO, old man?" Whew. All better.

Born a Palin

This site's funny, all in good humor of course. If I was born unto Sarah Palin's fam, I would be...

Plop Hero Palin.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

So Good, So True

Please, someone, tell me where I can get myself an Oregon State t-shirt. I think the entire school just rushed the field. As if the season premiere of The Office wasn't enough, this just made. my. night. Oh yeah. I don't feel an ounce of sympathy for USC. Nothing.

I Joined

I'm on Twitter. It's going to become a problem, I can already tell. If you tweet, er, twit. Um, whatever, please let me know so I can follow you! I'm currently following three people from church who don't know me. Omg, what if they get an email saying I'm following them? They're gonna think I'm a freak. Okay, follow me too! Don't make me look like a loser!

UPDATE: I'm trying to fix the Javascript code so I can get rid of the random punctuation on my Twitter link. Help?

Thank You, Sonny

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous, this story is. Common sense things we can do? Yeah, here's something: How about not causing panic and mass chaos in Atlanta with stupid comments.

But just in case, I'll top off my tank before I cross over into the Peach State.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Group Therapy, Anyone?

I had an appointment today, and I got to the clinic a little early, so I took a seat in the waiting room. It was sort of late in the afternoon, and there were only a couple people there besides me. A lady walked in soon after, looking slightly disheveled, signed in, and sat down two seats away from me. And then, suddenly, to no one in particular but to everyone in the room, she asked a question.

"Are any of y'all here for the BPD group?"

We all shook our heads no, but one unsuspecting girl said, "That sounds interesting. What is it?"

Uh oh.

"Borderline Personality Disorder. I have it."

"Oh. Um. Wow. That's...well, hmm. Goodness."

"It's terrible. I have lots of issues."


And cue horror movie music.

Disheveled lady launched into an explanation of what, exactly, BPD is. And that's fine, okay? I'm all for some psychiatric help because, Lord knows, we got enough crazies in this world. But, like, you can't just dump that info on perfect strangers in a doctor's office waiting room. Because crazy scares folks. So I just pretended to be fascinated by the Frankenstein marshmallow pops in the latest issue of Paula Deen's magazine.

And then she said: "I'm just so happy to be getting some help."

Yeah, we are too. Only it sounds like you aren't stable yet, so, please. Stop. Scaring. Us.

And I kept my hand firmly gripped on my Swiss Army knife. Because I don't know how those personalities work, but all I could think about is the SheDAISY song Lucky 4 You (Tonight I'm Just Me), and I didn't want #23 comin' after me.

I'm Surprised at Myself

But I love David Archuleta's new song, Crush. And when I'm listening to it, I have a hard time reconciling that voice with this face.

Now, there is nothing wrong with David's face. No, not at all. It's just...well, okay, people, for starters he's, like, 14. And I love me some nerds, but, um, as previously noted, I'm 30. THIR-ty. So, I don't know, it just feels wrong. Because I sort of develop a crush (get it? yeah?) on that voice every time I sing the song. And then I remember.

Anyone else having this problem? No? Fine. Bite me.

Talking to the Voices

Yesterday as I was doing self-checkout at Whole Foods, an oldish lady stepped up to the checkout beside me. When the computer said, "Welcome," or whatever, she talked backed to it. She kind of looked around, grinned, and shrugged her shoulders, so I thought she was just being funny.

But she kept doing it. So, yeah, I think she was funny. And by funny, I mean not in her right mind. [Insert maniacal laugh here.]

When the computer asked, "Do you have coupons?" She replied, "No, not today."

Hand to God, y'all, I had to speed-scan my four bottles of Izze, goat cheese, and crackers and stuff it all right quick into my reusable grocery bag. (Duh, I'm all Green now. The Magazine did it to me.) Because I had to get the heck away from this nut lest I pee my pants right there by the organic blueberries. I truly don't think she knew for sure that the voice wasn't real. Bless her heart.

To Twitter...

...or not? Should I? It seems like everyone is doing it, and I've resisted. And now I feel...uncool. Out of the loop. And I like to be cool and loopy. Do you Twitter? Is it just another something to take over my life? Probably. Help, friends.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Ambien, Take 2

Last night I dreamed that my baby overdosed on Ambien.


Rushing to get this baby to the hospital, I ran up to a nurse and yelled, "My baby OD'd on Ambien!" The nurse was all, "What? Your baby OD'd on Ambien? Ma'am how did that happen?" And I got all indignant, like, how dare you insinuate that this is MY fault, and then I screamed back, "I don't know! It doesn't matter, my baby needs help!"

And then it turned out that my "baby" was this pudgy 12-year-old kid who just had ADD.

Analysis? Who wants to attempt this?

Note: I didn't even take any Ambien last night.

Take Note

I hate it when announcers refer to us as the Bulldogs of Georgia. We. Are. The. GEORGIA BULLDOGS!

Got it?

Thursday, September 11, 2008


I just got a prescription for Ambien, and apparently I may make phone calls during my sleep and I won't remember doing so. Let me apologize in advance if I sleep-dial you. I hope I don't spill any of my deep dark secrets. Don't call me late at night and try to trick me either. I've also been warned of a side effect that, while rare, may occur: mood changes including aggressive behavior. So don't get mad at me if I hit one of you in a fit of rage. It's just my medication. You're not allowed to hit back.

Rest Easy

George/Cole has been removed from the eHarmony site. Whew!

You Just Thought August 23 Was Over

Kidding. But I forgot to post a couple of beach pics. This was my birthday cake. The cake arrived with my sister on Thursday night, and we couldn't wait till Friday night to have some. That's why there are two slices missing.

And the family at dinner one night. Notice I'm wearing a (new) rainbow dress and I had rainbow candles on my cake. Clearly a theme. I didn't even mean to!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Uh Oh, I'm Hooked

I reserve the right to change my opinions here. Anyway, it's my blog. I watched a portion of the new 90210 tonight. And I kind of liked it. I rather enjoyed Kelly's confrontation with her mom. And then they started playing my theme song—the new Leona Lewis one. Sigh. I really just love all the old characters. The part that makes this series a little tough to buy is that the "old" characters seem about my age now, which makes the "new" kids seem really, really young. But I digress. I got hooked tonight. Except I HATE Naomi. I mean, really, producers? Really?

Then I got sucked into Privileged, a show I wanted to check out anyway. And even though parts of it are a little cheesy, I liked it too. I thought Joanna Garcia was super cute and funny. Even though I think she might be a Gator. Or maybe she's a Gator hater like me, cause she did attend FSU for a bit. OH! Maybe she's a UGA fan, what with the Mark Richt connection and all.

I know, I'm not right.

Anyone else watch?

Best. Gift. Ever.

I always end up with quite a handful of cards during Uno Attack, and I have a hard time holding them all and keeping them in order. Enter this.


Now if someone could teach me to shuffle...

Get the Message?

Saw this in the hospital parking lot today. I've always dreamed of having an electronic display across the back of my car. It would flash different messages especially for drivers who were annoying me. Sort of like this, but less trailer trash.

Monday, September 8, 2008

A Little—Okay, a Long—Rant

Conversation snippets between an annoying couple who happened to be sitting behind us at Saturday's game. This was obviously the dude's first UGA game (he's a Miami fan, immediate loss of points), and his wife was obnoxious. They were talking loud enough for others to overhear, in the hopes they'd get a few laughs. You know the kind. Only they weren't funny—at all. And the girl kept making fun of people as they passed by—outfits, hairstyles, etc. And lemme tell ya, she wasn't a 10 herself. I wouldn't pass judgment, but she brought it on herself. And she kept whacking me in the head with her shaker. I don't enjoy that.

After a time-out was called because of CMU's illegal substitution, the girl hollers out, "PENALTY. Delay of game. Central Michigan." I hate it when know-it-all girls (and guys) yell out the wrong calls.

After the dude returns with a couple bottles of water sans caps, he and the girl try to figure out why the concessions folks take off the bottle caps and throw them away. As the dude points out, "Yeah, I even asked for them and they wouldn't let me have them. I mean, I paid for two WHOLE bottles." Followed by oh-aren't-I-clever chuckle. They tossed around a few ideas including that perhaps they recycle the caps (What????) and maybe they use the caps to keep track of how many bottles they sell. Because that's easier than counting how many bottles you have before and after the game and then figuring out the difference. Yes.

Morons, they take off the caps to prevent crazy fans such as yourselves from throwing them at the players and other people. Duh. This is obviously y'alls first rodeo.

At one point, the girl points out Uga to the dude. She called his doghouse his "little covered thingy." The dude said something about Uga dancing, and the girl realizes he's confused Hairy Dawg (a person in costume) with Uga, the bulldog. But she thought this was the. funniest. thing. EVER. Note: It was not. That's a dumb mistake to make, and one you should be embarrassed about.

One of our players was run out of bounds around the 2 yard line. The girl screams, at the top of her lungs, "TOUCHDOWN!!!!" No. Not a TOUCHDOWN!!!! No refs threw up their arms to indicate such. No one else is cheering that. The players are getting into position again, not patting backs. No TOUCHDOWN!!!! That came about four seconds later.

And, finally, with about 30 seconds till halftime, the dude notices that the band (sitting just two sections over) is gone. "Hey," he says, "they must be gonna play or something." Yes, during half-time. The band's gonna play. Cause UGA is progressive like that.

Thank God they left early. Thank God again that they are not season ticket holders.


I'm not touching the election here, but I will get into SEC football versus ESPN. I'll just go ahead and risk being a whiner. Not showing Moreno's hurdle in the highlights? Bite me.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Oh Sweet Lord

My friend Amy forwarded this message from her friend, who is enrolled in a 3-month membership with eHarmony. The friend received this message and then passed it along, word for word, to Amy. Notice the message was sent from "Cole," but the sendee identifies himself as "George."

Please enjoy. This is my weekend gift to y'all, grammar and spelling mistakes and all.

Sender: Cole
Subject: Hello
Date: 09/03/2008 09:48AM PDT

Message: Hi, I'm George I came across your profile while looking at my matches, and saw your profile so attractive and decided to message you. You are so pretty that I believe God spent extra time creating you and if I were to present your picture in heaven, all the angels would hide their faces in shame. (HOLY COW THIS MAN JUST RIPPED OFF NSYNC.)

I'm a gentle hearted man, Love is not about body stature, but it's all about what is in the heart. What I care about is you're beautiful and I wish to be the man you've always wanted and I'm sure you and I would work things nicely being together. I like holding hands walking together side by side and sharing love vows and I see you as a woman I would love to do that with and cuddle with that means if thing's work out for us. (YEAH—THIS ISN'T CREEPY AT ALL!)

When I have free time I like to dance (ballroom dancing and contra dancing—a type of informal folk dance), sing and play the guitar, love the movies, talking taking long walks on the beach. (NEVER TRUST A FOLK-DANCING MAN.)

Do you like to dance, or have any interest in learning? It is fun, great exercise, and can be very romantic. I like playing basketball At my leisure time, I like going to the gym and also like going to watch movies,swimming,watch sport. I've learnt to respect beauty very well that's why I respect you. I know that love has no distance, because what is meant to be will always find a way to be. So all that matters is for the two hearts to be together somewhere.

I've been Single for 8 years now and I wish to settle down now to find a real Love. I have a son who is 17 years Old, I'm proud to be his father.I'm a Supervisor of a Large Construction Company, I do Commercial and Residential Construction.My son live with me. I wish to relocate to find my missing Rib. (WHAT????)

Can you please reply me at my email so we could get to chat and make this conversation serious and see where it takes us?
I will prefer you write me back via my email address because my subscription on eHarmony will expire soon. DELETED (BUT LET ME KNOW IF YOU'D LIKE TO MESSAGE COLE, ER, GEORGE). You can add me on your yahoo messenger IM If you have one, mine is, DELETED.

If you don't have one it's free you can download it.feel free to ask me anything you want to know about me.take care hope to hear from you.

God Bless You.

If you think you might be George's missing rib, let me know, and I'll happily pass along his info. I'd hate to stand in the way of true love.

Good News/Bad News

Birmingham is finally—AT LONG LAST!!—getting a Nordstrom at the Galleria.

Coming Spring.


What a TEASE!

But that's okay. That gives me three and a half years to get rich.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Breaking the Rules

So yesterday I did something that I've never—EVER—done before. Like, not ever in my LIFE. All 30 years.

I wore white. After Labor Day.

White jeans, y'all. Out in public. To work.

I am about to cry. I am still sort of ashamed.

My mother instilled that rule in our heads from early on. Shiny white, patent leather shoes were bought for Easter and not to be worn a day before. And come the Sunday before Labor Day? Well, you had 12 hours to enjoy those shoes. And those white dresses. And white pants and shirts. Because they were about to get packed away with the summer stuff for a good seven to eight months. No exceptions.

I mean, I didn't even disobey this rule in college. I was so sure someone would point at me. Laugh. And whisper. That uncouth Southern girl. Doesn't she own anything cream?

I never grasped the concept of winter white. It looked as white as summer white to me, and how would people be able to tell the difference?

Through the years, the rules have changed. Relaxed a little. But me? I just. could. not. would. not. do. it. Even when friends who own fashion-forward boutiques said it was okay. White was acceptable year-round. Especially white jeans. No way. Even my mom said it was alright. I wouldn't cave.

Until yesterday. I got a new pair of white jeans for my birthday. And I wore them on September 3. It felt kind of good to wear them, actually. Daring. Risky. And I intend to do it again. Probably all winter long.

Slurp, Slurp

I just drank the leftover sauce from my Lean Cuisine container. I don't think I'm full yet.

Didn't Last Long

Conversation at the microwave between my-friend-Katie and I.

KB: You going to the game this weekend?
SG: Yeah, but it's just Central Michigan. We just want to hear them announce the #1 Georgia Bulldogs before we get beat.
KB: You're not #1.
SG: [clearly shocked] No? What...?
KB: USC played VA, and they beat them pretty good. New rankings came out.
SG: Oh.

Some fan I am!!! I didn't even check! I just assumed. But you know what they say about people who assume...

Am I the Only One?

Who thought Eva Mendes pronounced her first name with a long "e?" Nope. It's pronounced like "Ava." I've heard it twice in as many days. First Ryan Seacrest on the radio, then on a movie trailer for her new film, which, by the way, I was excited about but am no longer. Check it out, and you can probably figure out why. Oh well.


Wow. Did anyone else watch? I thought it was awful. I was mostly excited to see the old pros, and they were not bad. I LOVE Jennie Garth. But the new cast? Um. Wow. It's not that 90210 the original featured superior storylines and acting, but at least it was original. One of the firsts. Now we've cycled through The O.C., Everwood, Dawson's Creek, and Felicity AND we're in the middle of One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, and countless others. I I'm done with it. Maybe Jennie Garth can join the cast of Samantha Who?