Return of the Rednecks

Oh I can't believe I keep forgetting to post about this.

At the beach a couple of weeks ago, my family and I had an unfortunate view of the ickiest makeout session ever. This couple was total redneck all the way. Here's why.

1. She sported the requisite bleached blonde hair with extra dark roots, curly in a way that says, "I've been letting my perm grow out for a good six months." (I seriously think this must cost extra because what hairstylist in her right mind lets someone walk out looking like this?) And why do these women always pull their hair in a too-high ponytail and secure it with a scrunchie? A scrunchie?

2. He had the permed mullet going on.

3. They were both enjoying a beer wrapped in one of those NASCAR koozies that's shaped like a bottle and zips up the side. Neon orange.

4. He was way skinny and favored cut-off blue jean shorts instead of a bathing suit. Okay, this is never a good look, guys. Ever.

5. She was much plumper, definitely too plump for that skin-baring bikini she wore. But the enormous tattoo on her forearm was lovely.

6. They were for real making out in the pool. And she had her legs wrapped around him.

I hope you all ate dinner before you read this post. And I hope that dinner is still in your stomach. Just imagine the live show.