Pay Your Debts, Kim!

Know what's more annoying than collection agency calls (not that, uh, I've ever had one, personally)? Collection agency calls for someone else...for more than four years! That's right. Shortly after I moved into an apartment in 2003, I began to get phone calls for a Kim Conway. Evidently Kim likes to ignore bills and pass bad checks, and I was lucky enough to have scored her old phone number. The messages were standard at first, firm but polite. But the operators got increasingly frustrated. Being totally naive, I thought I'd just return the calls, explain in my own firm but polite tone that, while I appreciated their efforts to collect a debt, Lil' Kim didn't have this number anymore. I used my best you-must-believe-me-I'm-an-honest-girl voice, and I really thought this would be the end of it. But Kim followed me. "Hello, Domino's? I'd like to place an order for delivery." "Yes, ma'am, Conway?" NO! For the love. Gradually the calls stopped, and I figured Kim must've paid up. But they've started again. Just last Tuesday we came home to a message that said, in part, "By not responding to this question, you are affirming that you are Kim Conway..." What? I missed my chance to say, "No! I am Stephanie! I pay my bills! I don't order pizza with extra-thick crust and ham! No Kim here!" The madness starts again.