Offensive Office Supplies

As several (hundred) of my friends on Facebook have just learned, I have an aversion to colored paper clips. Sometimes a story finds its way to my desk, papers attached together with a pink or red or—God forbid!—patterned paper clip. It irks me. The first thing I do is rip it off and toss it. Throw it away. Blech.

I don't know what the problem is. One look at me, my office decor, or my condo, and you'd think the aversion would be to regular paper clips. The dull silver kind. But I love them. Prefer them. I think my OCD trumps my love of color. I like all the stories to be uniform. No black-sheep paper clips. Or maybe it's because the colored ones are coated in some kind of enamel, making them thicker, and they upset the balance of my paper stacks. I don't know. But I hate them. I don't like the scraping noise/feel that occurs when I pull off a colored paper clip either.

Recently my smart[aleck] friend and coworker Amy learned about my irritation with said office supply and placed a lineup in my chair, complete with four(!) colored paper clips. Wretched. But she did suggest that I save them in a jar on my desk. So that's what I'm doing now, rather than throwing them away. And when my jar is full, I'll happily donate them to…someone. Or something.

It feels lovely to get this off my chest.

Lovin' This Commercial

A whole, whole lot. Even though I am hopelessly devoted (cue Olivia Newton-John, please) to Verizon, forever and always, mmmwahh!

Dear Dawg Fans

Are we really surprised? I know I'm not. Once a loser, always a loser. Even if said loser can throw a football.

Are you friends with the Bennetts?

Choose a night to deliver dinner to the soon-to-be family of FIVE!

If you aren't friends with the Bennetts, well, then you should be! They're good people.

Call Me a Sucker

You know I'm going to have to try these.

I'm sorry, but if this works, it's genius. For serious. Except I'm happy to pass on the camouflage look. Oh, and the zebra. Okay, yeah, so I'd really just like to try a simple silver-gray and black eye. You know, something classy.

My pick is the Noche Eye Shadow Kit. And, sweet. Looks like I can pick up one at Sephora, my very favorite store in the whole world.

Google Search Hilarity

My friend Amanda (she of the Karma threats) posted a new note on Facebook. (Katie, "notes" are all the rage on FB right now.) Instructions: Google your "first name" and "needs" and post the first six that come up. They were just too funny—and true—not to post.

Stephanie needs some help.
*I swear to you, hand to God, this was the first one to come up. See? True.

Stephanie needs to be in a family where there are no other children or animals.
Stephanie needs a behavior modification approach to deal with some residual effects and strongwilledness, those not taken care of by the Ritalin.
Stephanie needs you BAD.
Stephanie needs to get the women together in an alliance.
Stephanie needs a strong manly shoulder to lean on.

Yes, I really NEED a dress…

But I probably don't NEED this one. So I'm just going to post a picture of it so we can all admire it. From afar. Because that's the cheapest way.



Two friends have *graciously* offered to help me justify such an extravagant purchase. Here's the thing: It's pricey for sure, but it's so cute AND versatile!

The reason I NEED a dress is for this event. See? That's legit.

But I could also wear this dress to:

1. spring/summer weddings UPDATE: A coworker's wedding is May 9. Score.
2. an April engagement I currently have
3. church on Easter
4. my May Derby party
5. the Miss Georgia party in March
6. the Miss Georgia pageant in June

That really comes out to about $30 per wear. Not bad, me thinks.

And who knows what could come up between now and, say, August or September. I might figure out 14 more uses for it by then!

Movie Previews=Love

I adore movie previews. I think I could sit through about an hour's worth. In fact, not too long ago I went with a few girlfriends to see Bride Wars, and the geniuses at Carmike started the movie super late, so they just skipped the previews. Totally, completely. Skipped. Them. I wanted a refund.

I am a total nerd when it comes to previews. (Okay, I'm really just a total nerd. But.) I take it very seriously. I don't like to forget about movies I want to see, so I make mental notes during preview time, and then I totally go home and make a list. With release dates. Not kidding. Sometimes I troll Fandango or Carmike for future movies and their releases too.

Anyway, I recently found Trailer Addict online, and I am now madly, deeply in love. (Am I a late-bloomer? Do you all know about this site?) I've just spent the last 32 minutes blissfully planning my next few movie dates.

A few on my list:

1. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (Matthew AND Jen? Come on.)
2. The Proposal (I kind of like Sandra Bullock. I kind of love Ryan Reynolds.)
3. Taken (I need a manly dude to volunteer for this one. I'm a screamer.)
4. Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince (Can. Not. Wait.)

Amazing Race 14!

This video gets really funny about a minute and seven seconds in. I watched that part over and over again on Tivo, in slow motion too. The whole task is made even funnier by those dudes at the base of the hill, swinging back their beers while laughing hysterically.

Amazing Race, oh how I've missed you. I hope, hope, hope this season is going to be a good one. I'm a little concerned that there doesn't seem to be a standout volatile couple. But I do see drama queens aplenty. They generally just annoy me, though, without providing additional entertainment. We'll see.



PS: The entire time I was watching the cheese part of this episode, I was trying to imagine being on this show with my brother. He would be SO MAD at me, because no doubt I would've fallen down that hill and lost my cheese wheel.

Happy Valentine's Day!

May it be filled with love and chocolate!

I got a Valentine card from this guy. Isn't he the cutest?!

So Sad

This news is just heartbreaking. And for all of the safe transportation debates between cars versus planes, what are the odds that a husband and a wife will both die, separately, in plane crashes? I'm so sad for all of those who died and their families, but especially the family of this couple. Please keep everyone in your prayers.

So Sad.

My apologies if you own one…

But, for real, guys, can the jewelry stores GET any cheesier this time of year? Every. Single. Year. They push these heart-shaped pendants for Valentine's Day. And every woman in America (I'm pretty sure this is scientific) rolls her eyes and gags. I mean, really? Nothing new or different or unique? Ever?

And you know what, even if you are a fan of such baubles, certainly you don't need more than one or two at the most, yes? Anyway, it's super annoying. I don't see anyone pushing a 14-karat gold-and-ruby turkey pendant at Thanksgiving. No multijeweled Christmas tree charms in December.

Please, dudes. Be creative. Be original. Be a total loser and don't do anything. But whatever you do, please don't support the heart trend. It needs to die.

Shown above: Jane Seymour's new design for Kay Jewelers, where I used to work. It looks like a butt. And, p.s., a new take on the ole heart pendant does not a winner make.

Confidential to my Saturday night date: I'm going to get you chocolate. That's not really original, but it's delicious. Delicious trumps original.

Because I'm sick. And, apparently, crazy.

I have a virus. That's what I'm blaming for my odd behaviors recently. It has to be the meds. Otherwise, I'm not right in the head. Though that's entirely possible—and likely—as well. (My close friends know. I call it The Crazy. Affectionately.)

1. I put the cereal box in the fridge the other day. Well, not quite. But the door was open and I was sticking the box in before I realized what I was doing.

2. Tonight, I poured myself a bowl of cereal, put the box away in the cabinet, and then grabbed a fork from the drawer. A fork.

3. While working on this post, I subbed "door" for "drawer" and spelled "fork" as "frok." Twice.

4. I tried to make coffee. Without water.

That's What She Said

Katie said it first. And better. And I totally agree.

Free BBQ lunch…and then dessert

My friend Mary Elizabeth had coupons to eat at Jim-n-Nick's totally free, so three of us went last week. Free cheese biscuits, a brisket sandwich, side of mac and cheese, and sweet tea tastes even better when it doesn't cost a dime. And then, to look over and see this lovely lady waiting for a table? Well, now, that was just icing on the cake.



Isn't her hair awesome? She probably would've posed for a picture, but it was much funnier to let ME stealthily capture these photos on her camera. It was brilliant PI work. My friends know I can appreciate that. (See? That's my arm in the right edges of the photos.)

Blow up the pictures for a better look. I mean, dudes. This hairdo was some serious work.

Who Sent Me This?

Someone did, and I'd forgotten about it, and I watched it again tonight. HIL-arious. Judging from the accent, this video was not made in the South. The mom's pronunciation of "golf" is pretty funny ("gowalf"). This is why everyone should own a Wii. A Wii and a baby.

Kind of a Nobody

I was scrolling through the photo gallery of Grammy attendees yesterday, and the AJC's description of Paris Hilton totally cracked me up. I mean, there was "Singer and actress Miley Cyrus," "Atlanta rap star T.I.,"Rapper-mogul Jay-Z and Coldplay frontman Chris Martin," and even "Reality TV star Kim Kardashian."



And then. Then there was just Paris. Paris in her slip. "Famous person Paris Hilton." Because, really, that's all she is. And for no good reason either.

We need to talk.

About Flame. Burger King's new cologne.

Yeah, Burger King. Home of the Whopper and scented body spray.

I'm totally grossed out already but then, while reading a bit of smut on the US Weekly site, I see a disturbing commercial for Flame. With the Burger King King. In a bathtub! Shriek! Horrors!

I can't even post the video that I found on YouTube. I'm too mortified. I mean, it's set to bow-chicka-bow-wow music, people. Go see it for yourself here. I couldn't find the one with the King in the tub, but trust me, it's every bit as creepy as you might imagine. And then some.

And, seriously. Seriously. Did BK just start marketing a cologne as "Fire Meets Desire! It's seduction with a hint of flame broiled meat!"? Can you imagine that strategy meeting? If I'd been there, I would've thought someone was high. What's more, this idea was pitched and, presumably, climbed all the way to the top and no one spoke up to talk about how stupid and ridiculous a beef cologne might be.

Who wants to smell like a burger? Just. Ew.

Interesting AND Informative

I love celebrity photos such as this:



With captions such as this:
Jessica Biel went for a walk with her dog, Tina, in Los Angeles Wednesday.

Are you kidding me?

How can people NOT be ready for the digital TV conversion? Haven't we been hearing about this for, oh, at least two years? I could totally be in Congress.

WINNERS!

Congratulations to the giveaway winners!

Linda Bowlby—monogrammed checkbook cover
Robin Demaree—monogrammed pill box
Karen—monogrammed mirror

Please visit the Lauren Nicole Web site here, choose your font, color, and patterns for the item you won, and email me your preferences and mailing address so I can have the prizes sent to you! (sgmims@gmail.com)

PS: I am posting during work hours from home, at lunch.