Too Good to Pass Up

My sister just emailed me this. It really happened. At Walmart. Someone called to order a cake for a going-away party. I suppose the customer ordered the wording on the cake like this.

"Hello, I'd like to order a cake for a going-away party. I'd like it to say, 'Best Wishes, Suzanne,' and, underneath that, 'We Will Miss You.' "

Well, this is the cake she got.

Why I'll Never Be Out of Work

Because there are people like this, out in our world, spreading their dumbness.

This is a review for a dress I was looking at on the Macy's Web site.

"This was a great buy! I like the fit. The fabric is soft and not itchy. If you have curves, this is a sheek way to show them off because its very streamlined and the sitch waist belt gives it a modern and "put together without trying to hard" look."

Score. I was looking for a sheek dress with a sitch waist belt. You know, for something different.

Caught!

Do you sing and dance in your car? No? Well then stop reading now. You won't appreciate this gem.

I was scooting down the road the other night, listening to a CD I burned from my iTunes account, singing my little heart out. I had the hand mic thing going and everything.

So my favorite song comes on, and I busted into my usual routine. I listen to this song at least once a day, and I get. Really. In. To. It. I have hand motions and facial expressions. I'm like one of Gladys's Pips.

That's right. It's "Midnight Train to Georgia." (Yeah, favorite)

Somewhere between "Said I'm goin' back," and "I'd rather live in his world...than live without him in mine," I pulled up to a stoplight. And as I was leaning in to my second "hoo hoo," moving my arm up and down like I was pulling a horn (you know, the way you signal a semi driver to honk on the Interstate), I looked over and saw the car stopped next to me.

My, my. Weren't they amused.

I should have been embarrassed, I know. But sadly, I was not. I got amused right back. And then I kept right on a-singin'.

I'm Very Much Alive

Despite a Spam message that I got at work stating that I had died.

Yes, you can imagine my shock.

It was obviously a scam, as the email was poorly written and was explaining that someone else was trying to claim my "check." All I had to do was pay a small fee to collect it for myself instead.

Yeah.

Here's the email. It's awesome. (Sorry for the all caps, but that's how it came and I don't want to retype it.)

ATTENTION;

I AM SORRY TO TELL YOU IF THIS IT'S NOT TRUE.

WE RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM A LADY CALLED, MISS CAROL BECKY, SHE CALLED US YESTERDAY WITH THIS TELEPHONE NUMBER:8668623100 IFORMING US THAT YOU ARE DEAD SINCE LAST YEAR, SHE SAID THAT WE SHOULD SEND HER YOUR CHEQUE TO HER HOME ADDRESS: 1011 S 7TH ST. WATERTOWN, WI 53094, USA, BECAUSE SHE IS YOUR NEXT OF KIN BENEFICIARY TO YOU, AND SHE ALSO TOLD US THAT YOU INSTRUCTED HER TO CLAIM YOUR PROPERTIES INCLUDING YOUR MONEY IN CASE YOU ARE NOT HERE TO BE FOUND ON EARTH.

SHE DID ALSO SAID SHE KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO SPEND SOME MONEY TO GET THE CHEQUE BECAUSE YOU TOLD HER SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND I SHOULD LET HER KNOW THE COST, PLEASE LET THE APEX COURIER COMPANY VERIFY IF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT BECUASE I CONFUSED NOW ABOUT THIS CLIAMS'YOU ARE ADVICE TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS TO APEX COURIER COMPANY FOR THEM TO PROCEED ON YOUR DELIVERY BUT FOR YOUR INFROMATION YOU ARE TO PAY FOR THE PROCESSING FEE WHICH WILL NOT COST YOU MUCH YOU ARE ADVICE TO SEND YOUR ADDRESS AND CONTACT TELEPHONE NUMBER TO THE APEX COURIER COMPANY FOR THEM TO PROCEED ON YOUR DELIVERY OF YOUR CHEQUE WITHOUT ANY DELAY CONTACT APEX DELIVEY COMPANY IMMEDIATELY. FIND BELOW THE CONTACT DETAILS OF THE APEX COURIER COMPANY.

I Missed Out on Free Chicken

I was over in a different part of town the other night, and I missed my turn. I needed to turn around, and I did so at new-looking shopping area that included a Chick-fil-A. It looked really new, and upon closer inspection, I realized it wasn't open yet. And people were camping out. I bet there were 20 tents in the parking lot, and guys were throwing a football around, there was a lady jogging laps, and several people flinging a Frisbee.

I tried to take a picture for y'all, but it didn't turn out.

I called my sister after I noticed that the CFA opened the very next day, and she informed me that every time a new CFA opens, they have a contest and the first so-many people get free chicken for a year.

365 days.

And I missed out. Of all people, I deserve free Chick-fil-A for a year! My $50 in gift cards that I got for Christmas (plus three of the calendars) will be gone in February!

Snowy, Snowy Day

And Here's Why the North is Laughing At Us

Here are the very helpful tips Brooke Smith (the Bachelor contestent-turned-traffic girl) had to offer to Alabamians driving in the snow today.

1. slow down
2. brake gently
3. use your low beams
4. exercise caution on bridges and overpasses
5. do not use your cruise control
6. leave plenty of distance between your car and the car in front of you

Why I Love the South

Yes, everyone, it is snowing at my house! I have to admit, I bounded out of bed this morning at 7 expecting 2 to 3 inches, and I was really upset to see wet pavement and yellow grass. But about 9:15 or so, a steady stream of flurries started to fall. It's sticking just a little now.

But on to the point of this post. On the news a short while ago, a reporter was on location in Verbena, Alabama. There's a layer of snow on the ground, and it's very pretty. The camera showed a few shy townspeople who waved from underneath their heavy coats and hats.

And then this sweet old man came on camera, offered the reporter a plate of pies, cakes, and warm snacks, and invited her to an outdoor gospel sing-along in the park that evening. ha ha. Omg. It was so cute.




Photos: Taken from inside my apartment through the window.

Another Semi Tried to Kill Me

Oops. Tonight, on the Interstate, I kind of cut off a semi. The SUV in front of the semi had just cut me off, and then I realized my lane was exiting, so moved over to the left. I really thought I had plenty of room, but suddenly, that semi was barreling toward me, flashing his lights. I dang near ran myself off the road.

Sooo-oo-ry.

But he shouldn't have been driving that fast anyway. It was raining.

Make. It. Stop.

Alrighty. It's cold and rainy (not snowy) and I had a long day at work. And my head was hurting. But I had to go to Michael's for one little thing. And the second I walked through the door, I heard this little girl crying. Wailing. Having a meltdown. The closer I got to my aisle, the louder she got. I passed by the entire family. Mom scanning the rows of products, totally oblivious. Little son wandering around. Dad holding offending girl, softly cajoling her.

And this is where I got mad. The girl wasn't hurt. I looked for blood. Because the way she was carrying on, I felt sure a finger must be severed or something. The dad was trying to reason with her. But she just got louder. I'm not kidding you, this went on for more than 10 minutes. And I know it was fake because the less attention she got, the louder she got.

Now, I don't have children, but I can't imagine that I'll let my kid pitch a fit like that for more than two seconds before we're out the door. There were two adults. Why didn't someone take her out to the car?

I'm pretty sure, too, that I won't have that little chip that makes a parent unaware of their child's annoying screaming.

And just when I remembered my resolution to be a nicer person, reasoning in my mind that perhaps, just maybe, that little girl truly had a reason to be behaving the way she was, the cashier looked at me, rolled her eyes, and said, "It's time for them to go."

Amen.

Ring, Ring

My parents gave my grandmother a cell phone for Christmas. After she opened it, my brother went into the hallway to call her. It was so loud with everyone talking and the kids laughing, but Grams sat in her chair, pretending to have a conversation. It went like this.

Grams: Hello? Hello?

Zach: Hey, Grams.

Grams: Hello?

Meanwhile, Zach can't hear her, hangs up the phone, and walks back behind her chair.

Grams: Hello? Okay. Okay. (Nods her head.)

Zach: Grams?

Grams: Yeah?

Zach: Who are you talking to?

It cracked up all of us, even her. After things quieted down, my dad taught her how to use it.

Happy Christmas!

Well this is a bit late, but better than never.

Dreaming of a White...Thursday

There is a very slight, teeny-tiny, almost not there chance of wintry weather Wednesday night. I know that Richard Jacks said not to put any stock in it right now, but still. I'm excited. We haven't had any icy, snowy, or otherwise close-work-worthy weather in a long time, and I could use a snow day. I can't help it, my hopes are up.

This photo is from last weekend. It was really cold, this fountain out in front of The Tavern was frozen solid, and I was hopeful. But the skies were clear.

Book Pick

I just finished reading this book by a girl who used to work in our Foods dept. She now works at another magazine. I don't really know her, but I was curious about the book, and they were having a signing at work last week. I read it in three days! I thought it was good, and like any good book, it left me wanting a little more. I recommend it.

Bu-bye

The music on the slide show was annoying me. It is now gone.

Ouch

Monday night, as I was leaving the Y (hooray for resolutions!), I walked right into a tree branch. Totally scratched my face beneath my left eye. It was sort of darkish, and I guess I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. I tried to play it off, but my instinctual duck-and-swat probably gave me away. Thankfully I just had a little red mark that disappeared later that night.

Welcome to Arby's, Mama

The other day I abandoned my task of taking down Christmas decorations to run to Arby's. I placed my order, and when I got up to the window, the following exchange took place.

Arby's lady: "How you doin', mama. That'll be $5.19."

Me: "Um, fine, thanks. Here you go."

Arby's lady (referring to my tea): "Sweet or unsweet, baby?"

Me: "Unsweet, please."

Arby's lady: "You need some sugar, Equal, Sweet-N-Low?"

Me: "Yes, Sweet-N-Low."

Arby's lady: "What color is that? Pink? Gotta help me out, baby. How many?"

Me: "Two."

Arby's lady: "Here's a bunch. Just keep them in your car or something."

The part that stuck out most in my head? Why the heck did she call me "mama?"

Back to the Red

I got a pedicure after Christmas and (gasp!) the place didn't have any Lincoln Park. So I'm sporting a little Dutch Tulips again. No worries, though, I'm prepared now. I got a bottle of the dark stuff in my stocking.

Funny Kid

This is my cousin Caitlyn who lives in Florida. She spent the night with us one time during the holidays. She wanted to stay up late, and I finally got her to agree to lay down by putting in a video. Two minutes later, I looked over and asked if she could hear the tv. Caitlyn waited a second, set up, leaned over to me, and said, "Shh! I'm asleep." Easy enough.

She is, however, a little confused that Sean and I are married but don't have any babies yet.

Scare-olers

So I collect Byer's Choice Carolers, which Sean has dubbed "Scare-olers" because of their Scream-style faces. I was first in line to get a few new ones at 50% off the day after Christmas. I've never been first, but the store opened an hour later than usual, so people were waiting in their cars because it was cold. I got out and started the line. It was longer than ever this year.




Here is my current collection of Carolers and the two new ones I scored. I really wanted the man holding the little girl. The man holding the tree was a bonus. One lady tried to take a Caroler out of my hand, but I won.

Our Rockin' New Year's Eve

We spent the last night of 2007 in Atlanta, eating at Two Urban Licks with friends. We ate great food, acted the fool, and rang in 2008 with plenty of laughter.

Warning: I added some Fergie to this slideshow. I think it may be a video with music, but I really meant to only do the song. Oops.

Happy New Year!

I hope to post lots and lots of holiday photos tonight. Sorry for the absence! You all are due some serious posting.

Cheers for a happy, healthy, and prosperous 2008!